lets wrap it up

(sasja and lou ... plus chicken!)


It seems like I've written in this blog multiple times since I've last written, but it has yet to happen. I suppose a lot of things have transposed. I have been many places and seen many things in the Philippines. I have written many chemistry tests, argued with taxi drivers, been laughed at nervously, slept on buses, slept with cockroaches, walked way up in the rice terraces, seen a women incapable of standing up straight from working in the rice fields, driven a motorcycle, scuba dove with white tip sharks, watched a cock fight and slept in the same bed as my (female) professor. I suppose many of those things were firsts for me. And I think I have grown.. I think that living in a developing country, not just being a tourist here has changed parts of me. But it isn't the kind of change that is on the surface. Mostly it is little things, like I feel capable and confident in handling my travels, I feel like I no longer walk into my hostel and cringe, I know who is trying to bullshit me and who is genuinely telling me the fair price and I feel like I know how to work within a system that is unorganized, inefficient and brutally corrupt. I feel both patient and impatient at the same time, and if i didn't have other people here who could blanket my rants with understanding, people who know that there is another way to do things, then maybe it would get the best of me sometimes. But I don't exactly know how to share all of these things.

I have been away a lot in the last two years of my life, and due to this constant moving and wandering I have gotten quite used to introducing change into my life. I think change suits me, in a way that my favorite boxers do, but I don't expect this relationship to last forever. I think the trick is that I never seem to give myself enough time to fully adjust to the fact that one part is ending and the next is beginning, that way the door is always moving and I never have to stop and face the fact that I'm always leaving people behind everywhere I go. And of course it hits me, but always in the most awkward times, like in the middle of the night, or on a public bus with no escape. I suppose it is unique because I haven't simply been traveling, I have been going to school or working in these places, and every situation has placed a mirror in front of me, forcing me to find out who I am and where I want to go, all the while taking a little bit of certain people with me. I seem to hone in on different aspects of my personality in every location, and my failures and secret memories come back to me in a flush of emotion once I'm a plane ride away. I always miss my family more than anything. I miss them on different days and always just one person at a time, and I never reach out as much as I should. I suppose I tend to reflect a lot on things that once were and I know I will miss the Philippines. I have made a friend here who is sarcastic, quick, hilarious, critical and loves to complain with me... I think she is a truly unique pinay and if I hadn't met her I would be leaving the Philippines with a much different idea of the locals, and having not truly had made a meaningful connection with a Filipina. I wish I could give her all the opportunities that I have sitting at my feet in Canada, she deserves everything.

It is hard to escape the fact that Pinoys and pinays do not complain about their situation. They rarely raise a word when our teacher walks into class with only two weeks of class left and says "what class is this!?", but I can't help but notice that I'm fuming at the seams. Or, lets say an 8 hour bus ride on a non-air con bus, I seem to be the only one that can't sleep with Jackie Chan movies blaring (and I really mean blaring), the back door opening every 2 minutes for no apparent reason except to let the wind and rain in. It truly is a remarkable feat to sleep through this, but alas it is possible, for Filipinos only.

On our fieldtrip for my Cons Bio class, we left at 3:30 Am and then finally got to our island destination, where we walked for five hours through mud slicks and coconut plantations to never truly reach the location where we were supposed to accomplish the point of the walk which was to do field work. Sidebarnote: our teacher fails to mention to the class that we should wear proper footwear, hiking clothes and water.... so other than the Canadians who went an bought some rubber boots just in case, it was a sad affair of falling in an out of mud puddles by our flip-flop wearing classmates. So, the next morning our teacher wakes us up at 6 AM the next morning for no apparent reason, but to have us sit around until noon at an awkward "resort" that is more litter and dead street dogs on the beach than pina colodas, where we eat our fifth meal of the trip which consists of rice and pork that still has hair on it. I turn to my Canadian classmate and we're the only ones who thinks this is some sort of cruel joke.

I know there are some brilliant people here, students and teachers both, but they are hindered by the structure they are confined to. It seems like the solutions are simple, that if you had five qualified people they could really turn the effectiveness of the University around ten-fold... but it seems to be more deeply ingrained than that. It is part of the culture, and part of it comes from a lack of complaining.

I'll write about what I did since Christmas later...







Colourful clothe lines adorn the streets
like tibetan prayer flags grace a hillside.
the people walk with no rush or intention,
a casualness in every side step off the curb;
But are barely missed by the oncoming blur of metal.

The man in the jeepney coughs a hack and
a puff of black smoke is mimicked out the exhaust pipe.
As the people exhale into their tissues,
the mixing of the days perfume rises into the air.
The red sun settles in for the long haul.

just hanging out...

(potluck party)

(Joe and Kim + Ally)
(My new Philippina friends from Forestry... they're great)
(riding in a jeepney in Manila: Kim, Ally, Marni, Joyce, Rhyme)
(Eating balut: premature egg with my friend Ems)
eating balut... she makes me try these things :)

(fancy floating restaurant in Quezon Province )
(our whole dormitory: five nationalities)

(My roommate Nana and me)

Some pictures...
I'm studying for chemistry and I'm too lazy to write anything. Plus I think I'm a little long winded...

Love y'all

Rants and Raves

Instead giving a shopping list of things I've done I'm instead going to share some of the ongoing commentary in my head that gets little release here except to Marni. It is not normal or customary in philippino culture to complain, make fun of, or criticize the way things run or things in general. It makes me feel like a bitter white girl. Thus I'd rather talk about some random things about living here that can't be summed up in a guide book.
(Campus shot)
So I realized that my last blog complained a little about the lack of facilities but i want to re-neg those comments and perhaps limit it strictly to toilets. What is a blog for if not to rant about things when in a developing country? I kid...
(tricycle drivers by my dormitory)
So I think Matt (sherlock) thinks I talk about poo too much, but I rather think not enough... I'm in this for cheap laughs.
But, not being accustomed to the local diet and perhaps the local water, can leave you with some rumbly tummy and other side effects. This is pretty obvious. But perhaps what I wasn't prepared for was being stuck walking around Los Banos with a case of rhea and not the Paul Ko- kind, and there not being a toilet in a 2minute walk or if there is a toilet, it is down a back alley that screams "only go pee here if you want to also be kidnapped". This is particularly cruel, but also ridiculous at the same time because of course the name of my town is "the bathrooms" .
Thus in attempt to make it back to your dorm, or perhaps a nice bush on campus you have to now scramble into a jeepney. Jeepneys were not made for westerners. They are sardine cans with wheels and colourful names like "Kitty", "Blue Moon", GunsNRoses" on the front. It is a sort of game of how many Philippinos can I fit in a moving contraption at once. So you flag down the Jeepney, rather it flags you down by honking at you repeatedly until you give in and you get on to discover that of course it is already full, so the Philippinos squish their little hips to make room for my very big hips. To remind you, I badly need to visit the bathroom and now half of my butt is sitting on a girl the size of my right leg and every time someone gets off they have to climb over my knees which occupy the leg room space of three people. Maybe I made it home in time, or I maybe I fell in a ditch while making an "emergency exit". Lets just say I've lost my pride here... completely.
(not so crowded jeepney ride)
So, I mentioned that jeepneys will honk at you to see if you want ride. Well this is not unusual behaviour for jeepney drivers. In fact, jeepney drivers are perhaps the craziest drivers in the world and use the horn as a sort of ongoing conversation that you can only guess what they mean by it. For example a honk could mean one of the following: i'm turning here (no turn signal), i'm stopping now, i'm passing you, do you want a ride?, you're in my way white girl move on to the sidewalk, "oh hey there is a white girl", "do u want to meet up later to eat street meat?"... I think u get the idea. So I deliberately cannot watch what the driver is going to do or else I am white knuckled, clenched teeth, muttering profranities under my breath the entire ride. This is mostly because jeepneys will pass even if there is oncoming traffic. Many times it seems like everyone is playing a controlled game of chicken and if it wasn't for the guy behind us at the very last second putting his break on, we barely would have made it. But alas, jeepneys are the only way to get around here and so I endure.
(crowded jeepney ride)
The constant honking isn't the only noise pollution going on. In fact every time I venture out of the campus I feel like i'm being assaulted in every direction by flashing lights, really loud music, really loud diesel engines, honking, people pointing out the fact that I'm not a local, screaming kids, barking dogs... it is never ending. I know there are some absolutely gorgeous parts of the Philippines that are beautiful quiet, postcard beaches... but the cities are not these places. Even Los Banos which is more rural is popping and bopping all the time along the main road and as I soon as I come back on to campus I feel the stress being relieved and the tension going away. The walk back to the dorm is so peaceful because all I can hear is crickets, the occasional cow and I get to look at light bugs and horses. If i didn't have this little escape I think I would slowly being going mad. It is so bad that on trips I wear my ear plugs or i-pod for 90% of the transportation period. Rant over.
(Marni and goat on our country lane)


Another not so strong suit of the Philippines is anything administrative. For example, today I went to go drop my social forestry class (teacher isn't very good and I need to focus on Chem), so I go to the main forestry building and ask for a "dropping slip". Unfortunately he says, you must first compose a letter to the secretariat of Forestry explaining why you want to drop the course and asking for her to please allow me to do so. Then once she okays this, I can then get a dropping slip, where I then have to get signed by professor (awkward in a 4 person class), take this slip to the Registrars office (on the other side of campus) where I then have to pay 30 peso to drop the course. He said that they would let me know at the Registrars office what else I had to do. I almost punched him in the face. I half-played the "I'm an exchange student do I really have to do this" card, and then gave up in utter shock. Registering for classes was so absurd that i guess i had it coming to dare drop a class. And of course my Philippina friend who i shared this with didn't have much to say and so i felt like a bit of an asshole for complaining. I couldn't imagine what would happen if one of us lost their registration slip or ... their passport! What a nightmare.
(male Water buffalo and duck on my country lane)

So perhaps you have noticed so far by my passing references, i get a lot of attention here. Not just the occasional stare, but at any moment I could look at anyone in the vicinity of me and they are staring at me. Staring in a way that would definitely not be chill back home. And then everyone wants to say hello, how are you, what is your name, etc. etc. etc. For the most part this is endearing and the first two weeks I smiled at everyone back because i wanted them to think I was friendly. Now i keep my head down, don't make eye contact and never respond back, pretending I can't hear them. I mean I can't be Vanna White for every Philippino that wants it. Hey don't judge me, this is my rant... But honestly though, I sometimes miss the ability to just slip in and out and around. I like to be a chameleon in classes, and some days I'm just irritated, frustrated or feeling off. On those days you don't want to be stared at by everyone, so on those days and only on those days I stare back and make faces at little kids (I am no kidding). Oh it brings me joy. Anyways, it really isn't that bad.. i'm totally used to it now. When I go shopping for groceries I usually get no less than twenty "Good morning Ma'am"'s- I'm practically royalty.
Everyone refers to everyone as "ma'am" or "sir" here... I kinda like it, it is pleasant.

But seriously though, take all of this with a grain of salt. These are just some of the little things that happen in my daily life here and to be honest I love it. I'm not actually complaining I just find these things hilarious and mostly ridiculous... so I wanted to share. It keeps things interesting, it is a different way of doing things and I like it. I am forced to be constantly open, calm tempered, patient and accepting. It is difficult to relate to some of my classmates, but I recently made some friends with older Philippinas in Forestry who are great. My friend Ems I can actually be sarcastic with and joke/make fun of things with her... she is my savior. She is trying to teach me the local food here and last week she had my try deep fried fish balls, some street meat, grilled pig intestines (i've already had pig face) and she wants me to have premature egg. I want to hang out with her as much as I can because i actually relate to her, but also because she wants to show me the ropes of the Philippines. Pig intestine was pretty good and I'll probably go back and try the other option they were selling which was fried pigs blood cubes.

The street food is pretty good as well as some cheap restaurants that sell my favourite dish so far called sisig which is grilled pieces of chicken or pork face with rice. Most dishes don't have vegetables here and consist of mostly meat and rice. They should stick to this, because their knock off versions of American or European dishes are pretty bad. For example, they love pasta, spaghetti, lasagna but the tomato sauce is super sweetened and tastes more like sugar than tomatoes, as well as the cheese is usually a processed cheese.... ech. Last week I went to the International Rice Research Institute's housing for the "American Thanksgiving" which was awesome and I was really happy to eat some foods I have been missing, mostly vegetables. It was crazy to be in the same room with the brightest and best minds of agricultural research in the world. It was a mixture of every race it seemed and there were clusters of East Indians, Koreans, Americans, Germans, Brits, Japanese, etc everywhere. I can't wait to do the tour of the IRRI building when I get a chance. Anyways below are some food pics. Matt (sherlock) I wish u were here to cook with me and go to the market!

(Quail eggs and San Miguel- The Philippino beer. Quail eggs
taste just like regular eggs and street kids sell them to you so you
snack on them while drunk)


(Piles of Street Meat in Calamba City)

(Towers of beer!!!! Ingenious... and the local beer is pretty good) (The next few pics are from the local fresh food market.
It is great but I haven't purchased from there yet)

(pigs head being cut in two)

Philippines

hey everyone....

So i've been getting a few "are you alive" or "are you okay" e-mails lately, which means I am overdue for an update and I must be hiding in the Philippines or something hahah.
(flat rocks- waterfall on mount makiling behind forestry buildings)

Things are going really well here and I am adjusting surprisingly good. It is is of course a developing nation, and is nothing like anything we can relate to back home. I'm happy to report it is quite the culture shock but in a pleasant way because the people are very friendly. Although many people speak English, the majority of people speak Tagalog to each other and will only speak English if you speak to them. I was picked up from the airport by a lady from the University and then we picked up Marni who is also on exchange from UBC Forestry.

We got to the UPLB (University of the Philippines Los Banos) after picking up some Korean students from a different airport and then made the 2 hour trip to Los Banos. Manila traffic is very overwhelming and there is no way I could drive here !!! We left the city and then arrived in a more rural setting. The University campus is very beautiful with lots of trees and green spaces. The buildings are extremely old, falling apart, dirty and the bathrooms are slightly scary. I think most people would have a hard time adjusting to toilets that you can't flush toilet paper in, that have no toilet seats, and you have to scoop water from a big garbage bin in order to flush. Even at our dorm it is the same, and the water shuts off at 8:30 PM. My previous experiences living with nothing make me very well prepared mentally for this, but if I had not done a lot of the things that I have done I would be very overwhelmed and turned off by the living standards. This is not a convenient and sterile first world country.
(my room and bed)

Regardless of that, I love my dorm and it is where the exchange students live. It is called the Food and Nutrition Dormitory and is located amongst the agricultural buildings on campus and there are cows, water buffalo, horses, goats along the road to get to our dorm. A 10 minute walk from the dorm I can go to the Dairy building where they sell fresh cows and water buffalo milk, yogurt made from water buffalo, cheese, ice cream etc. which is all made from the animals that live near us.There are many Korean, Japanese and three Canadians staying here. Last semester there were a few Americans but they have left. I share a room with a girl from Japan named Nana who is very very nice and lovely. Our rooms are basic i.e. a bed, desk and shared bathroom, and closet space, one fridge and sink- no air conditioning but a big ceiling fan. Nana is a great cook and she often will cook dinner for the entire dorm because she enjoys it. I like that she respects my space and gives me lots of time alone to read when I want. Our is a toilet and a shower head over a faucet (very simple but it works) and the water is luke warm (which is nice because of the heat). I usually rinse off twice a day because of sweating so much in the day plus the vehicles all use diesel which causes a lot of nasty air pollution. Although many people I know would have a hard time perhaps with this living situation, especially because there is no air con (only a big ceiling fan), I enjoy the dorm and the people in it a lot. We have to buy purified water which gets delivered because all tap water is undrinkable.
(all of the exchange students: three japanese girls, five koreans and three canadians)

The people in my dorm are really great, even though there are some language barriers, we laugh though it. We often go out for dinner together in town as a big international group. When I first got here I thought that I would want to move out right away into an apartment off campus, but on second thoughts I want to stay at the dorm the entire semester if I can. When Lou comes hopefully we can just rent one room to ourselves which would be convenient. What i like most is that it is really quiet here because the only noise you get is animal noises rather than a million honking jeepneys plus street noise.
(Jeepney)

The town nearby is very crowded and a bit overwhelming. You can take a jeepney (a small bus) which is about 12 cents to go anywhere in town and you just tell them whenever you want to get off. Since being here we have taken care of our health check up where we got a physical, dental check, eye check and chest x ray for about 5 dollars ( good thing I didn't do it back home, or in the states). Classes started two weeks ago but things are very slow going and disorganized, with a very painful registration process. You have to get every professor to sign a piece of paper before you can take their class (which is daunting when they are not often in their offices). So instead of doing this, I just showed up at the classes that I want to taked and then asked them to sign me up. This semester I am taking Forest Biodiversity, Conservation Biology in the Tropics, Social Ethics and Equality in forestry, Chemistry and Swimming. I wanted to take Yoga for PE but all the PE classes fill up really fast. In my swimming class I am the only one who knows how to swim so I'm going to try to convince the lady to let me just swim laps. Its at 8 AM tues/Thurs and is a good way to wake up.
(near forestry buildings)

The forestry buildings are beautiful and in a great secluded part of campus. But you have to take a jeepney to get up there or else you will walk just under an hour to get there up a big hill. So far one of my courses is planning a big field trip which will be 3 or 4 days to either the North or to the South to Palawan. I'm looking forward to it.

Two weekends ago Marni (other Canadian girl), Adam (other Canadian guy) and me did our Open water scuba diving certification at Sabang Beach in Puerto Galera. We both have Mondays off and there was no class on Tuesday, we we left Sat at 5 Am and did 5 dives total! It was definitely one of the coolest things I have ever done. Our Dive Master was a local guy and although i wouldn't recommend the course for older people, it was great for us. He moved through things fairly quickly because we were smart and on top of it and focused more on skills and comfort in the water rather than memorizing the text. My camera worked really well under the water after I put a defogging lotion on the lens because at first the camera was hot and the water cold causing it to fog. I am so happy I bought that camera... taking pictures under water is the combination of my two favourite things. I am glad we finished it early so that we can travel on weekends and do scuba diving wherever. It is about 30 dollars for one boat dive inclusive of equipment, so although that adds up, i'm sure it will be some of the cheapest diving and the most beautiful out there.

Although many people stare at me in classes or as I walk down the street or buy groceries, I am coming to terms with the fact that they have not seen many white people in their lives. many people live very poorly here and I know I am very privileged. I wish I could stay longer in the Philippines because there are so many interesting courses to take, but I also am happy that I have most of my classes out of the way so that i can just enjoy this country and attempt to pass Chemistry. We have been busy but also I go to bed early and get up early here too. I'm excited to be here and I really am enjoying it very much so far. Although people are poor here, they are very wealthy in things that some Canadians are poor in i.e. very good health, active lives, lots of good food to eat with people, lots of socializing/ time spent with family and just a more positive outlook on life. It is nice to see that.
(me at a wreck and angel fish)
Last weekend we went to Manila and stayed at a hostel. I'm not a huge fan of Manila because it is a huge, dirty, crowded developing city. I felt weary of getting ripped off and I will probably not travel to Manila that much. It was nice to meet people at the hostel (free wine and cheese all night) that were also traveling because other than Marni and Adam, it is difficult to have a very deep conversation with people here. Most of the dorm mates have so-so English, and many of the Philippino classmates are a lot younger like 18 and it is hard to relate with them. Anyways, we had a good night and saw Harry Potter the next day!!!!

Hello friends

Although I am currently in the Philippines, I have to rectify my laziness about my blog and put up some info from the remainder of Arizona before I can talk about the Philippines. I know I have seen everyone recently and talked about the last couple months, thus this last post is more for myself than for you perhaps. I will however try to explain what it is like to work alone in the woods for as long as we did. I wrote some of this a bit ago...
(thunderstorm)
So I haven't blogged for a long time and that is both my fault, and a result of our last work location being 1.5 hrs away from the nearest town. I suppose a lot has happened so I will cut it in sections :)

Since coming back from Vancouver for my visit in August I was picked up by the airport by Lou in Las Vegas and we made our way to the new work location which was at first by Jacob Lake, Northern Arizona and about a 10 minute drive from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. On our way back to the tent trailer, about 4 hrs away, we were listening to our favorite radio podcast - This American Life with Ira Glass on PRI (Public Radio International) and NPR (National Public Radio). The premise of the show is to pick a theme such as "Return to the scene of the crime" "The Fall Guy" "Pro se" "First Date" or serious ones such as "Arms Trader 2009" "Housing Crisis" etc. Anyways and then they bring us four acts or stories from totally different perspectives on the theme. Some are hilarious, some are totally random and bizarre or extremely informative issues about health insurance in America or why the housing crash happened but in general it passes an hour of driving pretty memorably.
(Quaking aspen)
As we were driving past the town of Colorado City and Hurricane City which are border towns (one in Utah, one in Arizona) that are both very strict Mormon towns we were listening to an episode of This American Life. The episode was talking about Warren Jeffs who was the former president of Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the very strict Mormon following. Incidentally Warren Jeffs and his very large extended family (there are rumors he had up to 90 wives) live/lived in the town of Colorado City. It was talking about the city and the problems that were plaguing the town after Warren Jeffs was arrested for marrying a 13 year old girl to a much older man and I believe also possibly rape charges. Anyways, not to go into a great detail about it there was just one interesting point about the podcast as we drove by the town. We noticed that all of the houses were missing windows, didnt' have a roof or were just plywood houses that had no siding. It turns out that Warren Jeffs forecast Armageddon and the end of the world so often that people would never fix their houses, repair a window or spend money or day to day upkeep! I suppose it was just interesting to hear it explained as we drove past it. The liquor store serves a beer called Polygamous Porter "So Good Why Have Just One?".....

Oh and beer in Utah is only 3.2% alcohol.... all of it!


... I enjoyed this work location a lot more because there was variety in the work. Instead of working just in predominately pure Ponderosa Pine stands, we were now facing the challenge of a mixed conifer lineup. We had three firs (Douglas fir, White fir and Subalpine fir), two spruce (blue spruce and engelmann spruce), Ponderosa pine and quaking aspen. It provided an added challenge of identification (which often proved difficult) as well as we had to core every species on the plot, which took both more time and effort.

This work location was also sweet because technically our closest place for groceries was the north rim of the grand canyon. We visited the north rim and were pleasantly surprised to find considerably less people than the south rim (definitely more our style). It is so nice to stand there and then you eerily can't stop thinking about falling in, or watching someone fall in. It never left my mind...

When moving to our new work location we had to say goodbye to Marley but still wanted to get involved with humane societies in the area. We were very happy to find that in Kanab, Utah (where we went to go get groceries) there was the largest animal sanctuary in the world. We of course went on the tour of the place and spent two very memorable afternoons volunteering with dogs, as well as, going to puppy class. Working with animals makes me feel better about my day whenever I get the chance. They constantly live in the moment and are very giving with their love. I think that dogs can make even the most uptight, fearful and angry person relax and give to the animal. It makes me happy that we have dogs at the home in White Rock because they are good for the soul.


And now to something i have been thinking about for awhile and I want to get it down so that I can remember how it felt before I commit myself to this job again:
(Sand Dunes State park)
The problem is though, that there is no point in me even explaining this to you or anyone (and thus I dont' try) because unless you have worked in the bush you will not have a full understanding of what I'm really trying to say. In part I write this blog for myself but also I tend to find it easier to express myself in writing than in verbal communication. When I come back to the city and I see Sarah we talk briefly about being in the bush and then it's like we can't talk about it anymore. I know that she has seen things that are so ridiculous and unreal that there is no point in trying. It is so far removed from the city that it doesn't make sense to talk about it in that context. What i'm trying to say perhaps is that I have a different personality when i am out in the woods, just like the Sarah I know in the city is completely different in the bush.
(view of the grand canyon from a forest service road near our plots)

Towards the end of working, and now in reflection, we were definitely getting a bit bushed( to say the least). To those who aren't used to working in forestry or the bush, it is a common term that gets thrown around. Urban dictionary defines it briefly as:

	Bushed: A person that has been isolated from mainstream society for a long period of time, and/or has never seen a major urban setting. A rural person that has never been to a big city. A bushed person will temporarily become shocked or claustrophobic in an urban setting.

Rarely in a summer job does one get bushed to the point of loopy (mostly just bushed to the point that returning to the city is frightening). This is mostly because being bushed usually requires a good amount of time, as well as very little to no people... most summer jobs have crews and thus you are constantly about to come a little back to reality at the end of the day. In Saskatchewan I wasn't bushed, I just loved being in the bush and was happy beyond everything to be there. Being bushed is not a good thing because it basically means that you are slowly going crazy out in the woods; getting further away from who you conceive yourself as. It takes different forms in people i.e. some guys feel they are invincible or you will hear them say things like "I wish I could meet my death fighting a bear". It could also make you spend hours and hours thinking about how nice it would be to talk to someone, say a friend that you miss, or even take great delight in the thought of a very, very cold coke. You have nothing so you desire the simplest things that you cannot have. You also no longer have anyone to tell jokes to, so you tell them to yourself.
(ally at work)
The majority of the population is not accustomed to living in the middle of nowhere, and working alone in the woods day in and day out. Most forestry jobs you don't even work alone, because for safety reasons you work in partners or as a small crew. This job we were alone for 8 or so hours a day and you can really spook yourself out. I also have an overactive and creative mind... so i would start to sketch myself out by imagining certain animals watching me. And the thing is, sometimes in the day, you just feel weirded out. Maybe the plot doesn't feel right, or you think something or someone is there but you can't quite see anyone or put your finger on it. I've had plots where I just totally am freaked out... so I run through the entire plot in a frenzy because I have convinced myself that there is a bear den in the cave 200 ft. from me. Sometimes all it would take is for me to see a mountain lion print that was fresh and that was it. I would spend a lot of my time constantly surveying the perimeter of my plot always. I got so good I could spot Lou working very far away from me just by seeing a movement of red. The thing is... that is not good to deal with all the time. I would also imagine people coming out of nowhere and play scenarios though my head. I would often walk with a big stick and I carried my knife at all times (Lou has his gun sometimes even).
(happy to be doing work...)
Naturally, things start to happen. Maybe you talk to trees, or maybe you talk to yourself, or maybe you spend hours upon hours not thinking one thought, but regardless you lose touch with your concept of your self-identity as that has no prevalence in the woods. There is no point in being "Ally" or caring about anything that you do in the city: what you're doing that night, what you are wearing at the moment, what you look like, what music you like or any other anxiety ridden thought caused by being surrounded by other people doing those same things. You have to define yourself upon other things than that and mostly this comes out in a competitive form. For example, instead of caring what you are doing or what bus to catch, you are saying to yourself that you have to get to the top of the next hill without stopping or that you must finish this plot in 20 minutes ... or that if a guy popped out of nowhere that I would charge him and bash his head against a tree (hahaha seems bizarre to say out of context).

Another common one is dreaming of water. A pool, a shower, an oasis... it's almost like a person wandering in the desert thinking they see an oasis. Things get loopy. Lou and I definitely digressed into very childish humour and enjoying shadow puppets on the tent trailer ceiling. I don't know anyone else in the world I could do this kind of work with other than Lou- he has seen it all now and there is no going back!


Anyways, I don't feel like I did that justice, but I'm glad to get it out. In reflection of my last summer, I think there is a reason that only certain guys can do it. The guys we met in the beginning who had been doing this work alone for up to 10 years for some of them. Even in the beginning of the season I could tell it wouldn't be long before they were bushed a gain. This is why forestry workers drink so much, the city becomes very foreign and confusing. The best advice I have ever gotten related to this subject was from this guy mark who was my helicopter pilot on my last contract in Saskatchewan (when everyone was going loopy from needing a day off from work). Anyways, he said "don't spend too much time in your head today". It is simple, but if you don't think too much you'll be okay.

I'm proud of the work that Lou and I did this summer. We accomplished a lot, not just work. We also somehow became part of the communities too through working with humane societies- which is a difficult feat when you know no one in the town. Most importantly, we took a pretty solid relationship and made it unbreakable. I don't think many couples could withstand what we did this summer, and we came out the other end loving each other more.

At the end of working we had a disastrous vacation which included almost being struck by lightning and visiting Bryce Canyon during a tornado. But we got some cool pics and ran around in the rain looking at cool National parks which we were planning on doing back country overnight trips in. Oh well, another time...

(Bryce Canyon National Park, tornado warning!, Southern Utah)
(Vermillion Cliffs, Northern Arizona)

Zion National Park, Utah


That is it for now. I have lots to say about Philippines so far, so I will update as soon as I get my courses figured out!